I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Panties = found
Randomize
