You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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