Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
