I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
