how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
