remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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