..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
