We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
