Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
