Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
