Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.