If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!