Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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