I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
