He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
