do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Drunk is not a location!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
