Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize