Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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