I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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