I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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