Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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