You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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