yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
