just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
