my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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