I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
