Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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