i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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