i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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