every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
