The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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