Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
