I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
