Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
