she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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