Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
