My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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