we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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