I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
