Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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