I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
