Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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