I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
