I cut my penus on the lid.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
