also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
