she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
