we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
