I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
