I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
