the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
