lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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