I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
