textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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