Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
