Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
