i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
