your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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