Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize