you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
