a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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