Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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