dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now