P.S. I can't hear my feet
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
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I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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