I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You pole danced in your parka.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode