hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn