I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
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She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"