Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life