You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?