is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.