I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.