recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.