Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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