Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
