whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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