i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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