i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
