Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
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she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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