he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
