Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
