I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
