Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
